My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

Like a lost limb

in doing a little bit of googling on marriage, this is what I came up with :

“Marriage is the process by which two people who love each other make their relationship public, official, and permanent.”

those words just seem so…blah, to describe what marriage really is. I think I would say something like…”the blending of two lives, two families. ., two souls, two bodies, becoming one.” And then there’s the part where you create little human beings together that are a combination of the two of you in looks and personality.

When I look back over the last almost 20 years that Chris and I were married it is just simply amazing how blended our lives were.  The mundaneness of life, the everydayness.   I am now fully aware of all the little things that happen every day that make up a marriage.  Of course I had things I did on my own but even in that there was a blending, sharing, and encouraging aspect.

In one of the books I read, it compared losing a spouse to that of losing a limb.    It seems in everything I do, from having my coffee in the morning to raising my children, I have to figure out how to do it without my ‘limb”.  I am a very independent, capable person.  But even that independence and capability operated within the bounds of my marriage.

Losing a limb is permanent.  Losing a spouse is permanent.  Every day this reality is sinking in..somedays I still have a hard time grasping it.  As great as our technology is there is still no artificial limb that can fully replace a lost limb.  As wonderful and helpful as friends and family are there is no one that can replace a spouse.

I’ve had a few people say to me “now God is your husband and he’s a father to your children”..honestly, I don’t even know what that means.  What does that even mean for me every day?   It just sounds weird and well…not possible.  So I studied it a bit.

Isaiah 54:4-5 and Psalm 68:5  are the verses that  people are referring to when they are talking about God being a husband to widows and a father to the fatherless.  If I understand correctly the message in Isaiah is to the nation of Israel as the restored ‘wife’ of the Lord.  That being said, it seems that God has a special place in his heart throughout Scripture for widows and fatherless children.  Tithes were to be set aside for them, the church is to take special care of them.  God promises to protect them.  This is all very encouraging.  I have already seen this in my life.  God is caring for us through His people.

I don’t think I’ve solved this issue in my mind..I’m sure it goes much deeper..there will definitely be more study.  I sure wish Chris was here to help me understand it! My earthly marriage relationship is severed and my children are still without an earthly father.  The fullness of our relationship with Christ has not yet been fully experienced and won’t be until He comes.  God is not my husband in the same sense that Chris was, actually He will be’s that already, not yet idea. We have a heavenly Father and He is enough (Phil 4:19), even in this earthly life, and I am resting in that, through faith.



  1. Adrienne

    I’ve pondered the passage in Isaiah too as I have had my friends tell me the same thing during my divorce. Here are my humble, I-didn’t-go-to-seminary conclusions: In Hebrews 11 it talks about the faith of the OT greats and how God made promises to them, of which included Israel being his chosen race. And, at the end it says that the promises weren’t fully fulfilled because something greater (Christ) was needed so all (including us Gentiles) could join in the promise given to Abraham. With that in mind, Israel, under the Old Covenant, dealt with their sins directly to God through their sacrifices. He provided for them as a husband directly.

    In Isaiah 50 it talks about the unfaithfulness of Israel to where he let her go – gave her a writ of divorce. In Jeremiah 3 we learn that Judah didn’t learn from Israel’s mistakes, making them worse than Israel. God then begs Israel to return to Him. And they do! Relationship restored!

    I was (we were) born into the New Covenant. The sacrifices of the OT have been nullified by the sacrifice of My Savior and I am promised to My Savior – I am betrothed to him as part of the Bride of Christ. Until that Glorious Day, my God, my Father continues to provide and protect me as a father does of a betrothed daughter. When Jesus describes heaven and uses the term “wedding feast” and calls me His Bride, it is hard for me to try and comprehend what that “marraige” will look like. However, obviously, I have not had a positive earthly experience to begin to compare. At any rate, that does not cause me to worry either, as God – my Father – has done the “vetting”!

    I hope I didn’t confuse you – in my heart there is no conflict with God calling himself a husband, responsible for Israel, and my calling God “my Father” and Christ “my Savior” and betrothed. Even then, those titles/names are not adequate to describe the roles of God in my life!

    • that is so very helpful Adrienne! thank you!

  2. Pamala Price

    Awesome! Thanks, Nicole for sharing these thoughts and truths and experiences.

  3. Your blog is beautiful! And I’m with you on these thoughts! (((Hugs)))

  4. Naomi

    I know after dad died, and perhaps because I wasn’t married yet that God became more of a Father to me than I had ever realized in the past. It was an attribute of God that became more real to me after the earthly representation was gone.

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