My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

I miss being a wife

I miss that sense of protection

I miss making a meal for someone who really appreciates it

I miss caring for someone and having them care for me

I miss having someone to do stuff with

I miss being able to call him during the day

I miss that familiarity you can only have with a spouse

I miss giving back rubs

I miss having someone who understands me completely

I miss just having another person to hang with

I miss him having sympathy for me when I don’t feel so great

I miss him making the bed for me everyday..yes, yes he did

I miss fixing a cup of coffee for him

I miss doing his laundry

I miss sleeping beside him and hearing him snore

I miss our evening walks

I miss watching movies together

I miss holding hands

I miss him reading paragraphs to me out of whatever book he was reading

I miss hugs

I miss watching him with my kids

I miss the anticipation of him coming home every day

I miss benefiting from his accountability spiritually

I miss sitting under his teaching at church

I miss his discernment, advice and encouragement

I miss his compliments

I miss hearing “I love you”

I REALLY miss his sense of humor, no one could make me laugh like he could!

I miss sharing the joys and disappointments of life with him

I miss him asking about my day

I miss talking about our kids with him

I miss running out of milk because he ate endless bowls of cereal

I miss doing household projects together

I miss gossiping with him (admit it, we all do it :-))

I miss him sitting beside me at church

and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I miss being late to everything :-)…if I could go back I would not get irritated about being late anymore..I mean really, who cares?  Being on time is highly overrated.

I miss my best friend

My heart, O God, is steadfast…..
   For great is your love, higher than the heavens;
    your faithfulness reaches to the skies. 

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16 Comments

  1. I don’t know you, but I wanted to send you a hug and a message. Hugs to (((( You ))))) and I am so sorry for your loss ….not only of a person that you loved, but also for the loss of his presence in your day to day life. I pray that the Lord will send comfort to you in many ways. Perhaps you’ll hear an old familiar song or see one of his favorite books, and you’ll be warmed with a memory. Perhaps you’ll tell stories about him to your children and you’ll keep his memory alive that way. Take it one day at a time is the only advice that I have. I have not been in your shoes so I have no firsthand wisdom, but I wish you healing from the terrible pain that you feel. Your blog is wonderful. 🙂

    • thank you Sharlotte, I really appreciate your encouragement!

  2. This made me cry with you. Again.

    • *sigh* yeah, I’m tired of crying

  3. Mavis Clipperton

    I was led to your blog by a face book friend as we all went to college together. I am so sorry for your loss and am moved by your posts. I have a friend that just lost her 21 yr old some to a tragic accident, I have no words for her and my prayers and heart go out to her as they did the day I heard about your loss. I will continue to pray for you as that is all I can do…and as I read your posts I will continue to lift you up to him.

    • Hi Mavis! oh my, I am so sorry for your friend..please give her my condolences and thank you so much for your prayers.

  4. Nicole, I am so sorry for your pain. It is a terrible thing to be without your best friend. You are in my thoughts and prays.

    • Hi Jen, good to hear from you…yes it is terrible. You never think it’s gonna happen to you. thanks for your prayers friend.

      • My mom didn’t think it was going to happen to her either, being left a young widow with two kids still left to raise. It really stunk for my family, and now, as a wife, especially one who has temporarily been without my husband, I have a small idea of how hard it must have been for my mother (and honestly, still is sometimes). But we did make it and we survived one day at a time. You and your kids will make it too. One foot in front of the other. Prayers to you.

  5. Keineth Walter

    Bless your heart, Nicole. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for what you are writing and your honesty. So many times in life we go on as fine when we really aren’t. Being honest helps others to be also and deal with real issues themselves. That is a very comprehensive list, a good list of what married people do together. We all can take our spouses for granted, reading your list makes me not want to do that. Keep writing, it helps, and we will keep praying.

    • thanks Keineth…I might keep adding to the list too – more things keep coming to mind. thanks for praying for me..I sure need it.

  6. Lori Walling

    Sweet Nicole, I am so sorry for the loss you are experiencing 24/7. Your blog has been so raw and honest. Thank you for sharing your pain with us so openly. You are on my heart and in my prayers (as well as those of your many other CBC friends). You trully are a beautiful example of grace as you honor your husband, your children, and our Lord in this unexpected journey of widowhood. Praying you sense God’s presence holding you tightly and loving you fully. Blessings friend-Lori Walling (Lager)

    • oh my goodness Lori! Hi! having so many connections with people I haven’t heard from in a long time! so encouraging – thank you!

  7. Hi, Nicole! This post sounds a little familiar. I believe we just talked about some of this stuff. 😉 I’m sending your link to a friend of mine who was married to my cousin whom we lost in the Joplin tornadoes.

    You know my heart is with you in your journey! (((Hugs))) and much love to you every single day!!!

  8. Vicki W.

    As I was reading through your list, with my husband sleeping beside me, I was nodding and thinking, “Yes. I love that, too. Yeah, that’s true…” (except for the bed-making part; your husband really did that? Wow!) I wanted to wake my husband up right then and tell him how much I love and appreciate him. I am so sorry for your loss, and that you are having to live with it every day.
    You are an inspiration. Your strength and reliance on God are admirable. Thank you for sharing your heart.
    May God comfort you and give you His peace moment to moment…

    • yes, he really did Vicki :-)..he was a military guy..that might have had something to do with it…he was pretty neat…neater than me. thanks for your compliment..and yes appreciate your husband! I wish I had told my husband, much more than I did , how much I appreciated him!

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