My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

My husbands possessions

what do I do with them?  Oh I know there will be a few things that the kids and myself will want to keep, but what about everything else?  How do you eradicate the presence of a loved one from your home/life?  What do you do with the personal items, like clothes and toiletries, wallet?  Throwing them away seems somehow wrong, but it seems just as wrong or at best, weird to leave them all where they are.  I’m getting tired of the stab of pain that slices through me when I accidentally open his bathroom drawer looking for those elusive nail clippers, or opening his closet and seeing all his clothes hanging there.  His shoes are still by the front door, his jackets hanging in the closet.  The books he was reading, and his Bible, are still on his night stand.  I’ve moved his special coffee cup to the back of the cabinet, seeing it every morning is just too painful.  What about our wedding rings..what on earth do I do with those?  If I get rid of this stuff will it seem like he was never here?

In all the books I’ve read on grief not one of them has mentioned what to do with your loved ones things.

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10 Comments

  1. Maybe because there isn’t one answer.

  2. Holly Palacio

    I agree with the previous post, but for the time being, perhaps a staged approach? Put things you don’t know what to do with but can’t bear to see everyday in a bin that can be stored for a time it feels safer to purge, save or donate those items. If there are items that are not sentimental but you don’t want to toss them, the Veterans can always use items of all kinds in good condition. Clothing is always welcomed. They can come pick them up or you can take them.
    I’ll message you the rest, but know that you are ever in my prayers and on my mind. /H

  3. Debbie Wasco

    Nicole – My heart and prayers go out to you. Sometimes its hard to remember how I managed those first months and then there are times when I not sure I have. At first I was afraid of making changes – I was worried about what people would think – that I didn’t care and was just moving on. But there was already a change that I had no control over and I had to deal with it the best I could for me and the kids. Getting rid of some/most of Chris’ things WILL NOT make it seem like he was never there. I purchased a large plasitc tub and the things I wanted to keep I have stored in it. His collect of “fish” ties that he received every Father’s day (Rachel exactually used one to make a keep-sake craft in VBS), His jewlery box with his ring, his lapel pins from donation blood, his money clip, etc). I also kept all the cards, guest book, etc I received at his furneral. Hannah wanted his Bible which he had dated the passage he read each day. I did donate his clothes and shoes as my boys are quite a bit taller. I kept some of his gardening books which have helped me as I try to keep up as much of his landscaping as I can. I have had to do some down-sizing as I just couldn’t keep up with all of it. You need to decide yourself what things you want, the things that are special to you – but you do have to move on.

  4. Shana Adams

    After my mom died I made my brother and sister quilts out of her clothes. I put pieces of outfits in each one of their quilts that were meaningful to them, like in my sisters quilt the dress mom wore to her high school graduation and the robe she took to the hospital when she had my sister (yes she still had it 20 some years later). Same with my brothers quilt, a pair of pajama pants that he hated cuz they said kiss me all over them and she used to chase him all over the house wearing those pants trying to kiss him! You continue to be in my prayers 🙂

    • My mom mentioned making quilts from clothes, too.

  5. Nicole, my dad died when I was 12, almost 13. While I can’t tell you what my mom did with the majority of things, because I don’t remember, I do know that she saved some of his clothes.

    She didn’t wash them…she folded them up in a box so they still smelled like him. She sealed the box, much like you would a wedding dress. Then, when grandkids arrived, she pulled out the box & made a quilt. The perfect gift of memories of a grandpa that these babies would never know. It was an emotional gift to receive, but the memories & stories that can be shared with my kids is absolutely priceless.

  6. Steve Walton

    I’m a very good friend of Barry Zimmerman and lost my lovely wife fo nearly 40 years in September of last year. I would be willing to talk with you any time about the things I’ve done and how God has carried me through the grieving process. Talk with Barry and if you’d liek to talk I’ll give him my cell number. I don’t want to leave it on this blog. I’ve served as a minister for several years and have worked through losing my mother, my daughter, Father and now my wife. I know your pain and confusion. Everyone goes through this differently, but I’ll share what I’ve done and if nothing I could give you some support at this time. I’ve been praying for you and your family since your husband’s accident. God Bless You. I’m here if I can help in any way. My name is Steve and I’m an inspector that has workd with Barry.

  7. Pamala Price

    I’m feeling for you, Nicole. I’ve wondered the same thing as I put myself in your position. Bless you. These ideas are cool (the above mentioned). So who knows how to quilt?? Praying for you and feeling with you.
    Pam

  8. A friend of mine says in her book, :Grieving God’s Way, He Feels Your Pain” says this:

    “Do what you feel comfortable doing when you feel comfortable doing it. For a start, you may choose to add one of your dear one’s sweaters or some treasure possessions to your own dresser drawer as cherished keepsakes. I couldn’t part with Mac’s pin-striped suit which still hangs in the back of my closet (she’s widowed and remarried). Some churches collect warm clothing for the needy sometime before Christmas, so you might want to make a donation to that worthy cause. I gave a couple of Mac’s warm jackets to my church. A son, daughter, or your loved one’s friend might appreciate a small token of their friendship. But be sure to undertake this when you feel up to doing it. It’s tough to part with a loved one’s belongings, so getting a supportive friend to help you equips you with wonderful assistance.” ~ Buffy MacDonald Crabtree

  9. (((Hugs))) Love you!

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