My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

“I wish Daddy didn’t die! this is stupid!”….

Yes, this comment flew out of my six-year olds mouth the other evening while we were hunting around in the garage for a tool to fix her bike…..tears of frustration were in her eyes.  I felt her pain.  I didn’t want to be out there trying to fix her bike either.

My kids are tough, they are resilient and they are coping well but I have heard this phrase in different forms a lot lately.  I even have my own version.  As life goes on and we try to manage without our manager we are learning, but it can be frustrating.   In some ways it’s good.  It’s forcing us to learn things.  In other ways its frustrating…like when water is spraying out of the bathtub faucet going all different directions.  Or when the toilet overflows during the night.  What about when your whole house loses power?  What do you do when one of your kids car won’t work?  What about computer disasters?  In hindsight some things are funny, in a bittersweet sort of way.   Chris wasn’t a fix it kind of guy, but he was a problem solver…and whether he fixed it or called someone else to fix it..well…he was dealing with it, not me.

For all of us it’s about all sorts of little daily things.  I mean, really…. we sure did expect him to do a lot!  I kinda feel bad about that now :-).

My oldest has future decisions to make..finding an apartment, and he’s going on a trip where his Dad has been before and I know he would love to talk with him about that.   My second son is graduating from high school this year..how do you do that without your Dad?  My middle son is starting to work out (something his Dad was really into at this age), my oldest daughter is in the middle of the “mean girl years” as I call them…would be great to have her Dad to build up her self-confidence.  And well, my youngest  daughter wants me to fix her bike!   This is going to sound stupid, but there were a few TV shows that Chris and I watched together…the new seasons are about to start..I know shallow..but we enjoyed doing that together and talking about it afterwards.  It’s gonna seem weird watching them without him.  There are a gazillion other things….but you know, we are figuring it out.

This blog post is an opportunity for me to let my kids know how amazing they are.  I have been so impressed with what they have tackled even in the midst of missing their Dad.  They have encouraged me to keep going.   This blog post is also an opportunity for me to thank all the wonderful friends who have been here to help me…to help ease us into this independence that has been forced upon us.  We are truly grateful.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. 
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning.
Great is thy faithfulness.” 

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5 Comments

  1. Joni

    Nicole, you are fulfilling your new responsibility so well (even when you don’t feel like it). I know your strength is from the Lord… How else could you do it? Thank you for sharing. ~Joni

  2. Kim S.

    You have great kids, and they have a great mom. And you all have a big God.

  3. I agree with Emma.

  4. My heart is aching for you my dear friend!

  5. You’re making me cry! But tha’s okay. That’s what friends are for. If we can’t cry together, what good are we? Really! Love you!

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