a teensy bit of closure and maybe a bit of light up ahead?
I am feeling a bit more like myself. It’s hard to believe this is even possible barely six months after the death of Chris. I almost feel guilty…almost. Relieved is probably a better way to describe it. It’s difficult to describe how one feels after the death of a loved one. Numb, confused, forgetful, sad, depressed. It does feel like some of this is lifting just a bit…and the relief that comes with it is…well…it’s really nice.
Some of the closure I feel is that Chris’s headstone was finally placed this last week. I really like it, well, as much as you can like a headstone. It describes him well. This part of the grieving process..the funeral and burial is now officially over, I do not have to revisit this part of the process again. That is a good feeling.
As a family it seems we are settling into a different kind of normal. It still seems empty in so many ways but it is bearable. It seems contradictory to miss someone so much but yet continue your life without them. Somehow it seems wrong, but it is the way of things in this life. I have my doubts that the missing him and lonely feeling will ever go away. That must be the “limp” we have that comes from suffering, and pushes us to depending more on Him.
I’m sure I will still keep cycling through the stages of grief for some time to come, but for now I am thankful for this small window of relief, and am praying that each cycle will be less painful than the one before it.
“When I am afraid, I will trust in you.”
“For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
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