it’s always there
that empty feeling. I looked up loneliness to get the exact meaning: “Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person feels a strong sense of emptiness.” Yeah, it’s definitely unpleasant, almost painful. I have people around me all the time but yet I still feel this emptiness…it’s pervasive. The temptation is strong to withdraw and wallow in it. very strong.
I’m know I’m not the only person who experiences loneliness. But I do think the loneliness a person experiences from losing a spouse is unique…not special, just different I guess.
This past weekend my Aunt and Cousin were in town..they spent 3 days with me. These are two ladies who have been in my life all through my childhood and we’ve kept in touch through adulthood…some years not as good as others but they’ve always been there. We’ve all been through difficult times. When they came they just lived my life with me…attended my kids activities with me, ate meals with us…you know, just the everyday stuff. I’m sure they have no idea what that meant to me. To have other adults share in my days was huge.
That is what I miss so very much. Having someone to walk the journey of everyday life with me. Someone who knew me intimately. Someone who could sense my moods and know what to say or what not to say. Someone who could help carry the burden of parenting, and stresses of everyday life. Someone to just chat with at the end of the day. Sometimes there is just so many questions swirling around in my head that I want to ask him…he was so good at helping me clear my thoughts. He was so good at just being around. I really miss interrupting him when he was reading, (I’m sure he doesn’t :-)) and just talking about whatever was on my mind. You know, I cannot think of one time that he acted impatient when I did that.
Does the Lord fill this loneliness? I don’t think so. He doesn’t fill it but he walks beside me. If anyone understands loneliness it would be my Lord. I can only understand a small taste of the loneliness he must have felt at the cross. He was abandoned by everyone, even his Father. I feel privileged that the Lord has chosen me to share in this suffering, even in such a small way. I don’t feel less lonely, just comforted in an odd sort of way…..for those who share in His suffering will share in His glory.
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
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