My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

I just had to…..

read it.  The official autopsy report.  It was important to me to know exactly what happened to the body of the man I had loved for almost 20 years.  Call it morbid, I don’t know.  But I had to know.  It was the hardest thing I’ve ever read.  But I’m glad I did.    I think I can be sure now that he didn’t suffer.  It’s also another thing I can put behind me.

Chris’s commute to work every day was about 45 minutes one way.  Often he used that time to pray.  Many mornings before he left he would ask me if there was anything he could pray for.  Or he might tell me later in the day that he had prayed for me that morning.  He had a prayer list that he kept in his briefcase that had the kids and I, other family members, church members and miscellaneous requests that he prayed for.   I like to think that he was praying that morning on the way to work…I mean really, how neat would it be to be talking to the Lord here, and the next instant be talking to Him face to face?  Absolutely amazing…I have my moments of jealousy.

Today is the 1 year anniversary of the death of my mother in law.  She suffered 12 years from cancer.  It is so weird to think that her oldest son died a mere 6 months after her.  The night Chris’s mom died he came home and told me that was the first time he had ever been with someone when they died.  I think that is something that stays with you.  And I’m thankful, once again, that we can’t see the future.

We don’t know when death will come for each of us, but we all will die. Death is the great equalizer. It is no respecter of persons. It doesn’t matter if you are young or old, if you are a man or a woman, if you are rich or poor. Death knocks at every door.

Because Christ died and rose, we can have the hope of heaven. Our bodies will cease to function at one point, but there is life beyond the grave.

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

 “Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

I Corinthians 15:55-58



  1. I’m absolutely sure this is no help, but I am glad Chris’s Mother did not have to face losing her son. Instead, he joined her.

    And I’m glad you have the autopsy report and read it. I would have also. Now you can feel sure he didn’t suffer. That counts for a lot.

    Hugs, Nicole.

  2. yeah, I’ve thought that too Angela….

  3. Jeanne Keller

    Just a quick note to tell you I admire your courage, your faith, your ability to be honest, and your willingness to share your journey with others. What a good man Chris was! And I know that his spirit is with you every moment of every day. May the comfort of God’s love and His presence in your daily life continue to bless you and your family.

    • thanks are always encouraging!

  4. It’s not morbid. I’m glad you read it!

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