My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

Christmas time…one of my favorite times of year.

It really is.  Always has been.  I have wonderful childhood memories of Christmas.  Even though we didn’t have much growing up, I remember our Christmases being so much fun.  Lots of wonderful times with family.  Creating new traditions for our own family after Chris and I were married took on a whole new meaning.  They weren’t just traditions.  They were values and memories that we wanted our children to carry on into their own families some day.

I have been looking at pictures this week of the past 19 years of Christmases that we had together.  I’m thankful for the memories we created for our children together.  Some of them are funny, some were even kind of stressful, some were amazing times with extended family, some were restful, all of them sweet in their own way.  Especially now, they carry a sweetness that I’m so thankful for.

A little over 8 months ago Christmas 2012 seemed like an eternity away.  Now it is here.  Emphasis on family makes this holiday difficult…just like any other I suppose.  Other suffering is also brought to our attention at this time of year…many children are going hungry, many families have no money for gifts, and there are many more families like us, that are missing a father, mother, husband or maybe a child, brother, sister, friend, etc…  With that in mind, this time of year can end up the most difficult, for those of us suffering loss.

I am stubborn.  I know, not always a good character quality to have, and it does cause me some problems sometimes but in this case I think it’s good.  I’m going to use it for good anyway.  I’m determined that we are not going to wallow in self-pity.  First of all I know Chris would not want that, and second of all, self-pity is just depressing and we all know how I do not like to be depressed :-).

I’m well aware that this Christmas is going to be hard, really hard.  Chris is going to be missed terribly.  But at the same time we are going to start some new traditions.  I’m not sure what they will all be yet, but I’ve been mulling it over, talking with friends and discussing with the kids.

And I know we can do this.  Not because we are going to grit our teeth and be determined, though that is part of it, but ultimately because at this time of year..more than any other time of year, that Hope that we are clinging to,  is celebrated.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

Isaiah 9:6

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6 Comments

  1. Amen!

  2. Jeanne Keller

    I love your spirit, your stubborn insistence on not wallowing in pity, your acknowledging the sadness and loss, and knowing that you can make this Christmas special with some new traditions. Holidays can be painful, especially the first time we have to celebrate without our beloved husband, wife, child, parent, etc. Be gentle with yourself and do what feels easy and comforting. Hang on to the Hope and Love that is at the core of Christmas. Many are with you in prayer!

  3. Hugs.

  4. Thinking of you, Nicole. Holding you in prayer.

  5. Steve Walton

    YOU don’t know me, but I work with Barry Zimmerman and he keeps me update about you and forwarded your glog to me. I lost my wife fo 40 years in September fo 2011. Yes, Christmas will be a little rough, but at the same time you know where Chris is and he is enjoying every day in Glory. You can rest in that thought and be thankful for the many years God gave you together. God is so good. Read “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn, it’s a wonderful book, almost a text book on Heaven and he lsupports it all with scripture. It’s amazing what your husband can see from there. I didn’t lose Vicki as abruptly as you lost Chris. It was a little over 5 months from diagnosis to her leaving, so we had plenty fo time to share and confirm our love for each other. Just know that he knew how much yiou loved him, and you’ll see hime soon in terms of God’s timing. WE may not understand His timing, but His timing is perfect in regards to His plan, and you’ve been left here for a purpose. There’s still something you need to do. He’ll show you what it is. Enjoy Christmas and thank God for your time with Chris. It gets better with time, believe me, He’ll continue to provide comfort. God Bless You.

    • thank you so much for your encouragement Steve. That really means a lot. And Heaven was one of the first books I read after Chris died, and it was very encouraging! I’m sorry for your loss too…if that date is correct up there this will be your first Christmas without your wife. I will be praying for you.

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