My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9


the fifth stage of grief.  I’ve actually mocked the “stages” of grief.  When I first read them I actually laughed “you’ve got to be kidding me, there’s a ‘to do list’ for grieving?”  How convenient….for those not grieving.   If you do a little research this is a theory particular to our culture and has actually been debunked.  There really is no scientific proof that people work through their grief in stages.   People have actually been accused of being in denial if they have not gone through each stage properly.  My personal experience?  Well, I’ve been all over the  map.  How’s that for scientific evidence?  The truth is, each person grieves in their own way.

Loneliness.  This has been a huge struggle for me lately.  It’s pervasive.  It’s inside you.  I’m certainly not lonely in the sense that I’m all by myself.  I always have people around me.  My children, my friends, my family.  My days are filled with lots of activity.  In a sense all of that is just a way of fighting the loneliness.  But it’s there, so there.    I’m lonely in my soul.  This means I’m lonely wherever I am and in whatever I’m doing.  It’s difficult to explain.    I wish I could be all spiritual and say that God fills that loneliness…but He doesn’t?  I think He will fill it, eventually….but not now.  It’s that already, not yet, principal.  I’m already in Christ but can not yet experience the full benefit of that.  Some things are for when He comes.  Suffering is for now.  And therein lies the Hope.

For the sake of this blog I am going to consider the fifth stage of grief.  I do believe all the stages have some grain of truth in them.  Acceptance.  How do you accept that your spouse has died?  You don’t.  It can never be right in your mind, because death was never meant to be.  Sin came and brought death.  This is why my mind  rages against it.  So what is it that I need to accept?  I think I need to accept the pain.  How does one do this?  I don’t know, but I’m finding that as I’m all over the  map I keep landing back on Acceptance.  I don’t want to accept that this loneliness will always be a part of me.  I have a feeling that I will keep running all over the map trying to skip over Acceptance, but it will always be there and at some point, I will have to land on it and stay there.

Lord give me the Faith to keep Hoping.

We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized.

Hebrews 6:11


1 Comment

  1. I think “acceptance” is the hardest part. Love, hugs, and prayers.

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