My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

They are launched….

three blocks away…:-)  But they are launched.   This has been a while in coming.  Something I have encouraged, pushed for, then demanded happen.  My two oldest boys moved out this weekend.  My friends and family have been wonderful to me in their encouragement in helping me make this step happen with my boys.  It was something that needed to happen.  I knew it and they knew it.  But it was me who had to make it happen.   If you’re a mom you know exactly how I feel.  It’s hard to let go.  Hard to send them out there so they can learn responsibility.  Because you know they are gonna make mistakes and you know you are just going have to watch.

I had been anticipating move out day for some time.  Looking forward to a little bit less mayhem around here. Looking forward to a little less coming and going of groups of guys. Looking forward to not having to deal with teenager crisis every. single. day.  So I was surprised when I was a bit teary while they were all happily loading up the trailer and chatting about all the fun they were going to have.  I was glad they were excited but sad at the same time.  We moms are complicated beings and our children tend to make us even more complicated.  I was kinda angry too.  Angry that I haven’t really gotten to be a mom in this whole situation. I have actually had to play the Dad role.  I’ve had to set my emotions aside and force them to do what needed to be done.  Not an easy task. So I was feeling a bit resentful.  It’s very difficult to blend these two roles into one person.  I’m actually finding it quite difficult.    

I did allow myself a mom moment by unpacking their kitchen for them and doing a bit of grocery shopping for them.  I hope they still need me from time to time, just not too much :-).  I know this is just the beginning.  I hope they stop by now and then.  There’s lots I won’t miss, but there’s lots I will miss.  They are fun guys to hang out with.  Sometimes nothing can lift my spirits more than hanging in the kitchen with them and laughing and talking. I guess those times will just be more treasured now when they happen.

They have no idea how much I pray for them.  I’m not interested in fighting what is perfectly normal for young people to do.  It would be very easy for me to give in to my own desires of keeping them around to protect and help them..but in reality that would not be really loving them.  My boys are moving away from my “hands on guidance to my hands off availability.”  In other words,  no more of moms rules and I can only give advice when asked.    I think they are excited about this :-), and should be.   Me, not so much :-).  In one sense I’m relieved. Trying to maintain rules with giant young men can be a daunting task for a single mom.  My brain got tired of thinking of ways to outsmart them :-).  In another sense, I’m afraid for them..freedom can be costly if you aren’t wise..and I’ve not met a wise teenager yet in my life.  So I pray.  I pray for their souls.  I pray that what they know to be right and true will become a reality in their hearts.  I pray that they will grow in wisdom and maturity and I pray they will learn from their mistakes and become better men because of them.

I hated having to do this without the other parent.  I hated having to play his role.  But this difficult role I’ve had to play has once again brought me to my knees.  It has shown me again that I have amazing friends and family.  It has shown me again that I have a faithful God.  What more could a mother’s heart need?

  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful

Hebrews 10:23

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3 Comments

  1. thanks for sharing. you are a wise mom.

  2. Randy Campbell

    Rejoice and be of good courage….again God is glorified…the way you carry the cross resembles the love you have for our LORD..

  3. Amy

    You are so wise to have stepped boldly into those dad shoes & done what needed to be done … even though the shoes don’t fit well. I keep praying that you will have wisdom. It makes much sense that your brain is tired from trying to out-smart them!! =)

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