When there is nothing left to do but…..
I’ll own it. Prayer is not always my first reaction when difficult circumstances yank the rug out from under me.
Over the last year and a half the Lord has slowly been stripping away my independent, I can do it myself, attitude. And man, is it humbling.
This time it is with one of my children. I say this time, but really this has been an ongoing issue with him since Chris died, maybe even before. There is absolutely nothing I can do “except” pray. As I watch my own flesh and blood walk a path that is destructive all I can do is pray. As a mother I feel my heart starting to break. When will he get it? What will it take for him to see what he’s doing to himself? How many times has this son sat on the couch in my living room in the last year and sobbed his heart out while at the same time refusing to acknowledge his sin and repent?
When he was little it was so easy to fix things for him. How many afternoons did I help him construct his latest Lego creation? how many times did I put band aids on the many scratches and cuts. How many hours did I sit at the table helping him with school work? How many hours did his Dad spend in the garage with him helping him build some invention he had dreamt up? And his sense of humor? hilarious..he can make anyone laugh. Kind? yeah, he’s one of the kindest people I know..he has a soft heart. Many times over the last year he has put his arm around me and told me it was going to be ok. But it’s not okay, He’s not okay. And I can’t reach him. Somewhere in the last year and a half I lost him.
As a parent it’s difficult not to lay the blame on yourself. As a single parent it’s hard not to wallow in self pity. It’s hard not to go a million places in your mind actually. Everywhere but the Cross. I have reminded this son of the Cross, where he can lay all of his burdens. Today I reminded myself. Today I prayed while I worked, that my son would see his sin in light of eternity, and lay it at the Cross.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
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