A new normal….when there was nothing wrong with the old normal.
I’ll own it. I still don’t want the new normal.
I liked the old normal. yeah, it wasn’t perfect. There were plenty of hard times. But it was MY normal. I loved the everydayness of it. I liked the security of it. It was mine. I want it back.
On a day to day basis, my life today is not all that different from what it was 2+ years ago. I live in the same house. I have the same job. I go to the same church. I shop at the same stores. I still parent 3, sometimes 5, children. It’s just that now I do all of this alone. So is this my new normal?
Unfortunately no matter how much I wish and want it back, I’m not getting it.
Even over 2 years later, tackling the new normal is a lot of work emotionally. The days you are on auto pilot are a relief. No thinking, just doing.
Just recently the kids and I took a vacation to Florida. It was great. It really was. I love the beach. My kids seemed to like the beach. Getting away from all the responsibilities of life and creating some memories with my kids is super important to me. We got some really great time with extended family. And rest…the vacation kind of rest :-). But the reality of Chris not being with us was really difficult. I hadn’t created a “new normal” on vacation yet. I would have loved to walk the beach with him. Would have loved to see him playing games with the kids. Would have loved to see him relaxing. Would have loved to stay up late talking with him. Would have been nice if he just could have been with us.
I am not comfortable in this new normal. I really don’t think I ever will be.
As believers we are pilgrims and strangers in this world. We should feel homesick. I’m not sure I felt homesick in my “old normal”. I do now. Life is not comfortable. Life is not what I want. Life is hard. I can’t get my “old normal” back. But I can Hope in the life to come. It will be better than any “normal” I can create here…. “we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. (Romans 5)
I am homesick, and for that I am thankful.
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present timeare not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God…but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
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