My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

There really is light at the end of the tunnel….

Four to five months of depression is not long compared to what some people suffer, but it was long for me.  As Fall approaches…or is already here,  I feel the relief of no longer dealing with sleeplessness, constant exhaustion, profound lack of motivation and that forever cloud hovering. There’s the fog of grief, then there is the fog of depression.  Not sure what the difference is…one seemed to lead into the other without my being aware of it.  Having depression is like being in a room with the shades drawn…all the time.  With no motivation to open the shades.  And sleep is a welcome diversion…so it is the only thing you aim for in your day.

Depression seems to be more understood today…people seem more empathetic.  Except in Christian circles.  After all, we are superhuman right?  For some reason, as Christians, we don’t have to experience the effects of the curse…..WRONG.    In christian circles medicine for mental health issues is scoffed at….spurned.  I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this scoffing from the pulpits of churches throughout my christian life.  Cannot imagine the despair that most of those congregant members must feel, because we all know that there are many who are sitting in those congregations, suffering…wanting help, needing help, only to be judged by the very people who should be the most compassionate….as if suffering,  in this area,  as a believer,  is not “real” suffering.

“Experience is a brutal teacher” (CS Lewis)….you know, it really is.  I wish I could say that my faith was amazingly strong through my depression and I cried out to God every day for relief. But no, God seemed very far away and the most I did was ask others to intercede on my behalf. It was comforting knowing others were praying for me because I just could not pray for myself or anyone else, for that matter.   I did take medicine and it helped immensely.   So thankful for the marvels of modern medicine.  What a gift!

Today I am thankful to say that I no longer need the antidepressant.  The shades, miraculously, have lifted.  There is life out there and I’m ready to be part of it again.  I am thankful for friends who were so supportive….you know who you are.  I m thankful for a God who is faithful to me even in my darkest, weakest moments.

So where is the gospel in this?  It’s where its always been, offering the Hope that it will not always be this way.  Hope that someday our bodies will be whole and healthy.


 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4



  1. Jeanne

    I am happy that you are feeling more “alive” again and that the very real issue of depression is lifting. You can be the “Light” for other Christians who are experiencing depression and encourage them to get medical assistance when needed. Depression is real. So glad you had support from friends and family, along with your medical care providers, through this rough time. I will continue to see you as whole and healthy, just as God created you. You are a perfect child of God, created in His image and likeness!

  2. Holly Palacio

    Amen my sister, amen. Love you. /H

    Date: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 15:05:56 +0000 To:

  3. Glad you’re feeling better. I love you!

  4. Randy Campbell

    Once again Nicole you shown us how Christ is your strength in the long stretches of days that seem have no end. Thank you Nicole for being a woman of character a woman of God.

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