We all know that feeling of….
‘Melancholy’. It is separate from ‘sadness’. The concept of ‘sadness’ implies grief and a certain hopelessness, while ‘melancholy’ implies a sorrow with purpose. A sadness that has hopefulness melted into it.”
Last night, friends celebrated with me, my upcoming wedding. Most of those friends there were attendants or attended my first wedding. Just simply amazed at these wonderful women in my life. Who knew, 23 years ago, that they would walk through grief with me and then celebrate another wedding with me? “My ways are not your ways….” As we laughed and caught up with each others lives I was struck again at how blessed I really am. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.
So today I have this melancholy feeling. A feeling that is laced with sadness but full of hope. This coming Sunday, May 3, would have celebrated 23 years of marriage to Chris. The past is honored, treasured, and not forgotten. Despite what some may think, remarriage does not equal forgetting. I’m so thankful to be marrying someone who understands this. A man who understands the sometimes painful journey of what we call life, and just lets it be what it is. A man who is willing to step into my, often, chaotic life (who actually already has), and give his whole heart to me and my children. Fully aware of the potential land mines along the way (I keep warning him!:-)). We are excited about the future. We are wary about the future. We are anticipating what God has in store for us. We are amazed at the love and support from friends and family. We are awestruck at the hand of God in every step of this relationship. We feel undeserving, but so thankful.
It’s weird sometimes to look back at the tapestry of life and try to understand God’s purpose, to try and answer the question “why?”. I can’t, not fully anyway. But I trust the One who does know and who is still weaving that tapestry.
“Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
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