My ways…

…are higher declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

“…and clothed me with gladness.”

There is nothing like moving that causes every corner of your house to be exposed, every flaw glaring and memories brought to the surface.  I’ve been wondering how I would react to leaving the home that Chris and I shared for over 9 years.  That’s how it is with grief…you just wait to see what will happen.  Life has been a crazy whirlwind of busyness these last 6 months, as we prepare for new beginnings.  It has been fun and exciting.  Lurking in the back of my mind has been the thought of how I would process detaching from this home, my town…the familiar.   I know…I get seriously attached to houses and neighborhoods.  It’s how I’m wired.  I love creating a home.  Love having neighbors and friends around me.  So many memories..good and bad..here, under this roof.  Raising children, bible studies, hundreds of meals around this table, baseball in the street, graduations, wonderful neighbors, a myriad of home projects, love, all the other stuff that makes up life, and death.

As I’ve spent the last couple of weeks pulling things from the dark corners of closets, cabinets and the basement, I have thought of Psalm 30:11.   David is contemplating his present circumstances to that of his past. The contrast, in a palace, with every comfort of plenty and peace around him, with his former circumstances which had been so sad, caused him to celebrate the goodness of God.   Evil and suffering have a way of exposing our inadequate theology.  They have a way of exposing our weak faith…faith that is misplaced.  David didn’t just believe in a God who exists, but TRUSTED the God who exists.  There’s a difference. There is so much I don’t understand about evil and suffering, but I do know that every journey in my own suffering has stretched my trust in God and his purposes.  It is encouraging to see so much of God’s goodness, holiness, justice, patience and grace in His Word and in my life and others.

Thats what I see. God’s goodness.  So not deserved.  I know about my doubt, and lack of faith, and worry.  I know that despite all of that, God has bestowed abundant goodness on me.  Who am I?

So as boxes, bins and bags have been opened, reorganized, and repacked, I have been reminded over and over again of God’s amazing goodness to me, of faith that is being shaped and strengthened and I am humbled.  Will more trials and suffering come?  I’m sure of it.  Will God’s goodness abound?  I’m sure of it.

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
    you have loosed my sackcloth
    and clothed me with gladness.”

Psalm 30:11

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